Addiction, Life's Hamster Wheel

  I implore you, if you are living in addiction... please, please get help. Get out of Life's hamster wheel. This might as well be you!

Hamster ball

Courtesy http://xkcd.com/

I Love Rumi

Rumi: Bittersweet.

 

As we all know, there are a myriad ways of interpreting a poem. This poem resonated with me when I was thinking about the journey  from drunken haze to sobriety. The end made me feel like it was the AV (the Angel Voice) speaking. I made up that label for the times my mind thinks positive thoughts and guides me to a positive headspace.

This could very well be a poem to his love, however, I repurposed it for good. Note 1: I did not alter any words.

***Note 2: In alcohol recovery, we speak of AV, (Alcohol Voice): Negative thoughts and internal self-talk which tries to induce and goad you into relapse. My AV twist (Angel Voice), is an homage to positivity and healthy thoughts.

For the first line, I want you to imagine a substance-induced psychosis, which I candidly, have experienced. 

Here goes:

“Bittersweet”

In my hallucination 
I saw my Beloved’s flower garden
In my vertigo, in my dizziness
In my drunken haze
Whirling and dancing like a spinning wheel

I saw myself as the source of existence
I was there in the beginning
And I was the Spirit of Love
Now I am sober
There is only the hangover
And the memory of Love
And only the sorrow

I yearn for Happiness
I ask for help
I want mercy

And my Love says:

Look at me and hear me
Because I am here
Just for that

I am your Moon and your Moonlight too
I am your flower garden and your water too
I have come all this way, eager for you
Without shoes or shawl

I want you to laugh
To kill all your worries
To Love you
To nourish you

Oh sweet bitterness
I will soothe you and Heal you
I will bring you roses
I, too, have been covered with thorns.

by RUMI.

*Taken from “The Love Poems of Rumi"

**The first line "in my hallucination" reminds me of substance-induced psychosis. 

Where as the last stanza, (Angel voice): "Oh sweet bitterness, I will soothe you and Heal you, I will bring you roses, I, too, have been covered with thorns." This is the epitome of compassion, empathy, love and support.

*** In my very candid blog, I reverted all posts on sobriety and encouragement for the recovery journey, to drafts when I relapsed. Postings are no longer visible. It's called "Great-full." Subtitled, " I show my scars so that others may know, they too can heal."

**** I will republish the blog posts as soon as I go over every post and edit them if need be.

Thanks for letting me share. Stronger together.