Saturday, September 20, 2014

Addiction, Life's Hamster Wheel

  I implore you, if you are addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, gaming, gambling, food, social media, or whatever is the "in" addiction... please, please get help. Get out of Life's hamster wheel. This might as well be you!


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Here in my weakness you will find me, strong.

Here in my weakness you will find me...... strong, and still holding down the fort.
It is said, the weak are chosen to confound that which is mighty. It is in the weakness of addiction that you will find your strength. It is in your weakness where you will find that you can be a good example for others in the same quagmire.  But only if you have the wisdom to self-assess and use acceptance of self with honor.
 Did it take my crumbling to sand to make me whole?
All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.
Walt Disney
Yes. Because where would the grains of clay come from to reshape me. In the kiln I have been. There in the kiln, heat doesn't always come from the same direction. Sometimes the heat is counter current. It comes from different directions. Then at long last, comes the glaze that colors, decorates and strengthens. That glaze is your shine. The unique stamp that life gives you when you've been through difficulties and survived to tell, to teach and to be an example.

Just like ceramics, in order to change from raw form to wholesome product one must be willing to go through the fire. Still, I ask, Have I confronted "The Weakness"? Have I given it a name. Ya! It's my being impulsive, to a fault. Some times it works for me. Most times it does not. It is in the occasions that my impulsive trait fails me, where I find out (usually in a fierce, fiery way).... that all scenarios cannot be served well by my being impetuous.

Freedom gives us choice. In America we get more choice than is actually needed. For example, your income allows you to buy as much liquor or drugs or food or sex as,,, well? As much as you can afford, really. You can choose to give in to your compulsions and make brash, reckless, spontaneous, hasty and thoughtless decisions. All for which there are consequences, in most instances negative ones. Consequences which you, your family, friends, neighbors and even strangers must live with. Addicts tend to forget that their decisions affect more than just them. Don't believe me? Ask the victims of drunk drivers.
 Having an addiction, to me, signals you have impulse control issues. You can go on this way...Or... you can be watchful, guarded, cautious, vigilant and restrained. Which pays off in the long run. Typically, with peace of mind. 
Peace of mind. What more can you ask for?

Sunday, June 1, 2014

I Love Rumi

Rumi "Bittersweet:
In my hallucination
I saw my Beloved’s flower garden
In my vertigo, in my dizziness
In my drunken haze
Whirling and dancing like a spinning wheel
I saw myself as the source of existence
I was there in the beginning
And I was the Spirit of Love
Now I am sober
There is only the hangover
And the memory of Love
And only the sorrow
I yearn for Happiness
I ask for help
I want mercy
And my Love says:
Look at me and hear me
Because I am here
Just for that
I am your Moon and your Moonlight too
I am your flower garden and your water too
I have come all this way, eager for you
Without shoes or shawl
I want you to laugh
To kill all your worries
To Love you
To nourish you
Oh sweet bitterness
I will soothe you and Heal you
I will bring you roses
I, too, have been covered with thorns.
by RUMI.
*Taken from “The Love Poems of Rumi"

Saturday, February 1, 2014

To My Dear Brother

I ask in prayer for everything I want for myself to be given to you.

I ask for you to be healthy. I ask for your prosperity. I ask for your happiness.

I ask that you be blessed with peace in your mind and in your heart.

And I ask that we continue to love and respect each other. 
It's an uphill battle, but it can be won. It's a struggle that leaves you wholesome. Don't be afraid to charge!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Keep It Real. Heed The Velveteen Rabbit

For my psychology class, we had to write a letter to ourselves in 10 years. A very moving experience. This is what I wrote to you (me): 
Dear me,
Above all else, I want you to be happy with wherever life has taken you and whomever life has brought your way.  I also desire that you be at peace with the choices that you have made on your life’s journey.  By now you should be proud to have in your possession, a Master’s degree and a PhD; a testament to your courage, your hard work and a resilient belief in yourself.  I hope you are enjoying living in many different parts of the world, sharing in the myriad interpretations of what it is to be human.
Are you looking forward to the big five-oh? I sure hope so. In which country will you celebrate it? I hope that you have kept your goal of helping Earth’s poorest. Aiding women procure financial aid for their small businesses. Remember how you just knew that the answer to extreme poverty is to help the women in the developing nations? I have confidence you are doing something about educating girls in third world countries.
Dear me, as the Irish say, “May the wind be always at your back.” I have faith that prosperity has followed you and that you have met the man that you described in your diary. Is he as handsome, gentle and drama free as I now (at 37) imagine him to be? I wonder, has a family happened for you yet? At 37 I am not married to the idea of starting a family. But I never say “never.”
I know you have become more beautiful as you’ve aged. Hopefully you now have total confidence in your body, whatever shape it’s taken. You know by now it’s all about the content of your character. Bodies change, in all phases of life. You can count on it. What should not change; is your heart and your desire to lead a purposeful life. The purpose: to be present Now, always.
Anne Lamott, whom you are fond of, puts it this way: To love yourself as you are is a miracle, and to seek yourself is to have found yourself, for now. And now is all we have, and Love is who we are.

Here’s something I thought would move you, as it relates to ageing and being “real.” Here’s to Keeping It Real:
“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”
Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Where The Magic Happens

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.-Neale Donald Walsch. 
I have already discovered this, following a futile resistance to change. Change always sends a signal. You begin to feel restless and uncomfortable. The general instinct is to move away from the discomfort instead of embracing it. We always want to maintain the status quo even if it is causing us harm.
When we are immersed and totally engaged in our addiction, we're very much hiding from life. There's a fake comfort there, and we're used to it. That's why we are lazy to shake things up.
But why? 
Just in case things change? They could change for the better, you know? But when we're engaged in addiction we don't know that. We live in constant fear of the bottom falling out. This I now know for sure: Getting out of my comfort zone saved my life and gave me a much better quality of life than I had. But first I had to go through the fire. Well, so does stone, iron, or glass when it needs to be molded, to be changed into something more valuable. Otherwise, it's just a lump of uselessness. 
Stay drunk, high or binge eating and you are no better than a lump of coal. Allow life to change you and release your full potential and you, my friend, are a shining diamond. 
 Heal yourself so you may live wholesomely. Don't lose yourself in your addiction. All it serves is to keep your head underwater so that you're drowning in circumstance. I read this recently on someone's web page:
The greatest work you will ever do is that of healing your wounds and becoming the best version of yourself - a masterpiece.